I once thought that the most powerful statement was the declarative sentence — "Go here." "Do this." "Be this kind of person."

But what I’ve realized through coaching, both being a coach and being coached, is that the most powerful statement is the question. "Where do you want to go?" "What do you think you’re meant to do?" "Who do you want to be?"

Declarations assume the "dominator, power over" paradigm, while questions invite us to share power with each other.

Declarations assume the speaker knows something the listener does not. And while that is sometimes true, the enduring Truth is that all of us have our own answers. We all have our inner guide, our intuition, our guardian angel, call it what you will, we all have something that knows everything that really matters. Declarations deal with facts; questions open us to wisdom.

Declarations assume the speaker knows more than the listener. Questions assume the speaker and listener are both wise, powerful and loving. Questions trust that the listener has answers and the speaker only offers the gift of focus. Questions help us pay attention to what is important.

My wish for you for the coming year is that you have people in your life who will call your attention to the deep questions. I trust you already have the answers.

• What old beliefs are blocking your power and creativity?
• What habits and attitudes do you give your attention to that no longer fit who you are or who you want to be?
• What does your heart yearn for?
• What small step can you take today to move toward your dream?
• Who are your allies? How can they best support you?
• Where are you stagnating? Where are you stuck?
• What do you want the coming year to feel like, look like, taste and smell like?
• What’s the best thing you did for yourself last year?
• What’s the best thing you want to do for yourself in the coming year?
• How do you want to be remembered?
• If you could change one thing in your life, what would it be?

I once thought that the hardest thing I’d ever do was to write a book proposal and that once I did that, everything else would be easy. But when I finished the proposal, I realized the hardest thing I’d ever do was to find a publisher. Of course, once I signed a contract with a publisher, I knew right away that the real challenge was going to be writing the rest of the book by the deadline. After I finished the book, the publisher decided not to publish my book after all, so the challenge was to find another publisher and keep my faith alive.

You’d think that by now I’d realize that the latest development–having my book published and scheduled to be on bookstore shelves in a month or two–is just another beginning. But I didn’t. In fact, I’m surprised at how much there is to do to celebrate and promote the book. And as it often happens, completing one cycle of the creative process has initiated a whole new creative project. I’m producing and distributing a CD of the guided imageries from Dancing in the Dragon’s Den and it’s an amazing challenge.

The universal truth at work here is that the greatest creative challenge in your life will always be followed by another, even bigger challenge. It takes many arrivals and departures to realize that there is no final destination. Even when you think you’ve arrived, sooner or later you realize it’s just another rest stop on a lifelong journey.

To step up to the challenge of expressing your creativity, you have to step beyond your current definition of who you are and what you can do. You step beyond your comfort zone. You squirm a bit, getting used to an expanded sense of who you can be, and just when you get comfortable again, there is another challenge beckoning you to step beyond again.

By Robert Service

Have ever you stood where the silences brood,
And vast the horizons begin,
At the dawn of the day to behold far away,
The goal you would strive for and win?
Yet Ah - in the night, when you gain to the height,
With the vast pools of heaven star-spawned,
Afar and agleam, like a valley of dream,
Still mocks you, the Land of Beyond!

Thank God! There will always be a Land of Beyond,
For we who are true to the trail,
A beckoning peak, a vision to seek,
A farness that never will fail.
A pride in our soul that mocks at a goal,
A manhood [sic] that irks at a bond,
And try how we will, unobtainable still,
Behold it, Our Land of Beyond!
 

Are You Safe?

In an e-mail file passed on to me, a woman wrote about how sad she was about the war in Kosovo, but didn’t know what she could do. Then the shooting at Columbine High School brought it to her own backyard. She realized violence could happen to anyone, anywhere. No one is safe. But she urges us to focus not on fear but on the power of love and asks us to send love and healing to those who suffer in Kosovo and Colorado.

I want to take this a step farther. On one level, it is absolutely true that none of us is ever safe. But on the spiritual level, it is absolutely impossible to be a victim. Consider this: one of the gunmen asked a young woman in the Columbine school library if she believed in God. Knowing that her answer could cost her life, she said "Yes." The gunman killed her. The common perception is to see her and her family as victims. But I think that young woman’s faith lifted her above victimhood.

On the level of spirit, we all choose our journey. Every person in our lives is there for a reason. Everything that happens fits the Divine Design. From the perspective of human justice, we can’t make sense of it. All we can do is trust that from the perspective of Divine justice, it makes absolute sense. From this perspective, the question of safety is irrelevant.

Ships are safe in the harbor, but that’s not what ships are built for. You’re not here to be safe. You’re not a human being struggling to have a spiritual experience; you’re a spiritual being unfolding a human experience precisely as planned, exactly the way you agreed to.

Furthermore, we are never safe because we carry violence within. Sending love to Kosovo and Littleton is valuable, but it’s not enough. As long as we see victims and perpetrators, we see "the other." We think "Thank God it didn’t happen to me and thank God I’m not that horrible." But seeing "other" only perpetuates violence. The only thing we can do to transform what’s happening in Kosovo is to recognize, not how it’s happening in our own backyard, but how it is happening in ourselves. We have to recognize our own little corner on violence and transform that.

As I wrote in Dancing in the Dragon’s Den: Violence isn’t limited to physical abuse; it is often present in the way we speak to each other and the way we treat each other. Every time we curse another driver in rush hour traffic, every time we gossip or complain about a family member or a friend, all the while we hold grudges and act superior, we are perpetuating verbal, emotional, and spiritual violence. We commit murder in our hearts.

Keep sending loving energy and healing prayers to Kosovo and Colorado. And keep recognizing and healing the shadow in your own heart. The world needs each of us to do our part.

In case you’ve forgotten or you didn’t get the last newsletter, let me reassure you: You have a creative purpose. Whether you express it through what is usually called "art" or through living an artful and heartful life, you have a reason for being on the planet.

Let me also challenge you with this observation: We experience a satisfying sense of wholeness when, and only when, we find ways to put our creative purpose into regular practice. If you don’t have some way to practice your creativity for at least a half hour a day, you’ll feel unsettled, uneasy, incomplete.

I once thought (naively) that if I could make a living as a writer and creativity coach, I’d have it made. I’m doing that now but I don’t "have it made." Instead I’ve learned that I need to keep practicing and stretching to find new ways to play with the practice.

Of course, it’s ego that wants to find a way to "have it made." Ego wants to do creativity the way we did required courses in school: "I did Morning Pages 101 for a semester, so I can check that off and move on." But it doesn’t work that way.

Ego is interested in "getting somewhere." But the whole point of creativity is the journey, not the destination. Creativity doesn’t come from your ego; it expresses your Higher Self. The primary function of your ego is to keep you alive. The purpose of your Higher Self is to make your life meaningful.

When disappointments come along, as they inevitably will, the ego wants to pull back and stop this creativity nonsense. Ego says things like "I tried and look&#;Disappointment is a part of life—not a sign we should give up. When we dare to dream, we have to trust that the Creator is not

Then synchronicity brought me a special song that lifted my spirit. I realized that my ego wants the book published for one set of reasons and my Higher Self has a whole other purpose. I remembered that I didn’t write the book by myself, that it came through me, not from me. The Creator collaborated with me to write the book, so I trust the Creator will collaborate with me to see it published and shared with the people who are waiting for it. My trust in the Divine orchestration for Dancing in the Dragons Deb> has returned. I don't know who will publish it or when, but I do know it will be published. It was a struggle, but I am keeping my heart open.

This experience taught me that part of my purpose is to keep my heart open, especially when I'm hurt or disappointed. I cannot practice my creativity with a closed heart. And I cannot feel satisfied and whole without putting my creative purpose into practice. There may even be the kernel of another book in this awareness of creating with an open heart. A bonus gift.

The universe doesn't close a door without opening a window-and the window often has a better view.

Keep your heart open to your creative purpose. Keep your mind open to new ways to express your purpose. Keep your hands open to receive the gifts of putting your purpose into practice. And keep me posted about what happens for you.
 

Studies also indicate that there is a connection between the dreaming we do during the day and the dreaming we do at night. People who often daydream, work with images or used guided imagery seem to need fewer and less vivid dreams when they sleep.

The body requires sleep—the mind, the psyche, the spirit require dreams, both night and day dreams.

A song in South Pacific reminds us, "You got to have a dream. If you don’t have a dream, how you going to have a dream come true?" The bigger our dreams, the more satisfying our lives can be.

Dreaming is Risky

Yet, many of us resist dreaming big life dreams. We’ve been disappointed before when dreams didn’t come to fruition. We resist pursuing our dreams because we don’t want to be hurt again.

Now, I’ve always been a dreamer, a visionary. I’ve always encouraged others to dream, too. But last fall, I struggled with disappointment and, though I hate to admit it, with jealousy.

What do we do when, despite all the visualizations, despite all the affirmations, even despite the work invested in the dream, disillusionment stares back at us? When the sweet taste of hope turns to bitter ashes in the mouth?

I’ll tell what this dreamer did. I went into a funk. I tortured myself with "What if’s"—"What if I never publish this book? What if I never publish any book? What if I’m just fooling myself?"

I spiraled down into a shadow place. Although shadow experiences always bring a gift, my ego yelped resistance all the way. I forgot the wise saying that pain is necessary, suffering is optional—it’s what we experience when we resist our pain. After I had wallowed in my misery for awhile, I received this lesson: Disillusionment is a gift.

Being stripped of our illusions is painful, but it is a gift. It’s a sign that we have inappropriately placed our faith in fantasies. Because fantasies distract us from taking the action we need to take to fulfill our dreams, those illusions have to go. We have to learn to hold on to the essence of the dream at the same time we surrender the inflated fantasies that tend to cluster around it.

No matter what, I have to hold on to my dream of teaching and writing. The ache in my soul when I thought about letting go of that dream is a sign from my Creator that that is my purpose. But the fantasies—that I’ll find a publisher without effort or rejection, that publishing this book will be easy and bring immediate success and recognition—have to go. Funny thing is, when I let go of the fantasies, opportunities for the dream opened up again.

Disappointment is a part of life—not a sign we should give up. When we dare to dream, we have to trust that the Creator is not capricious, that we are given our dreams for a Divine Purpose. We have to trust that the outcomes can be safely left in the Creator’s hands. We have to trust that our dreams will come to fruition, not necessarily to fit our fantasies or our timetable, but rather in accordance with the Creator’s vision and in the Creator’s time.

Discerning between fantasy and dream is difficult. Daring to dream after experiencing disappointment takes courage. But it is what makes life worth living. As Maureen O’Hara says just before the dream-come-true ending of Miracle on 34th Street, "Just because things don’t work out the way you want the first time, you still have to believe."

Believe in your dreams—you need them.

This project comes from an inspiration Claudia, my roommate, had when she looked at a clock with a clear glass face and said, "That needs rhinestones, beads and baubles."

After she beaded the clock, she looked at a switch plate nearby and said "More beads, more baubles!" She was having so much fun, I had to join in. The result is a little kitschy and a lot of fun.

Here’s what you can do to transform the boring switch plates in your house with a touch of kitsch:

Step 1. Buy silver or chrome switch plates so you have a shiny background. Or you can spray paint the switch plates you already have.

Step 2. Buy baubles, rhinestones and beads in a variety of different shapes, sizes and colors. Make sure the baubles you select have a flat back to make gluing easier. We used round ones, square ones, faceted rectangles, stars, teardrops, diamonds, and even a few small seashells.

Step 3. Put the switch plate on a table. Place the beads on the switch plate WITHOUT glue to get a feel for how you want to arrange them.

Step 4. Glue the beads in place. We used a hot glue gun at first, but discovered that adhesive made for mosaics is easier to work with.

Step 5. Leave the switch plate flat while the glue dries. Then mount it on the wall again. You’ll smile every time you enter the room.

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Kids of all ages love to collect shiny rocks and shells. But when the water is left behind and the rocks lose their shimmer, the treasures that delighted us so on the shore lose their power to remind us of the relaxing hours we spent finding them.

Luckily, there is a way to preserve those beach memories. With a common Mason jar and a few simple instructions, you can "put up" your own "beach preserves."

Step 1. Gather rocks and shells in a variety of sizes, shapes and colors.

Step 2. Fill a Mason jar with a layer of sand or small gravel. Place a few of the larger rocks or shells in next. Wedge small pieces of driftwood in strategic spots, then add the smaller treasures. Add enough local water to fill the jar completely. Screw the metal lid on tightly and wrap the jar in a towel to prevent breakage on the way home.

Step 3. Using a kettle that holds enough water to cover the lower three-fourths of the jars, heat until the water boils. Then simmer for about fifteen minutes. This "cooking" kills any algae that would discolor the inside of your jar. You'll know your beach preserves are done when the bubble on the lid sinks in.

Step 4. Most Mason jars have a two-part metal lid. You can loosen the outer ring and slip a circle cut to size from a postcard or photo as a reminder of where this particular jar of beach preserves came from.

On your next trip to the beach, bring along enough Mason jars so that everyone can enjoy this relaxing project.